


A Little Bit Riddikulus

by glitterfox19



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Boggarts, Boys In Love, Getting Together, Hogwarts Fifth Year, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, oh word that's not a tag? rip, spiders on roller skates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 06:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16592654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterfox19/pseuds/glitterfox19
Summary: Albus faces his boggart, and nothing about the situation goes as he expects.





	A Little Bit Riddikulus

Albus has a very strong urge to stride up to his DADA professor, kick him in the shin, and then sprint out of the classroom. Immediately after, he feels terrible about thinking that thought. Professor Chung is incredibly sweet and interested in the subject matter and is probably the best teacher Al’s had so far at Hogwarts. It’s just… he’s not in the mood for this particular lesson, with this particular group of people, at this particular time of day. That’s all.

Then again, he probably wouldn’t want to do this lesson at any time of day, with any group of people. So maybe that statement doesn’t carry as much weight as it should. Albus crosses his arms and wrinkles his nose. It really hasn’t been his day, or week, or month so far. But this lesson is really the cherry on top of all the horribleness that’s come to fruition since he came back to Hogwarts for his fifth year. 

The bureau rattles threateningly, like it’s reinforcing the point Albus just made in his head. Scorpius is chattering to him in an undertone, pulling on his sleeve, but for the first time maybe ever in his life, Albus can’t get himself to concentrate on the other boy. He snorts out loud. The one day Scorpius isn’t distracting him is the one day where Albus would love for him to do so. 

“I wonder what my boggart will be. Are you curious as to what yours is?” Scorpius’ eyes are gleaming with excitement. It softens Albus’ bitter mood, but only a little. “I bet it’ll be a spider, or something. Boring.” His anxieties come roaring back following Scorpius’ statement, and he turns away, scratching at the back of his neck. He feels itchy all over now after the mention of bugs. Great. Now he’s got multiple things to worry about.

He pictures the boggart getting confused and splitting itself into multiple parts, and then barks out a harsh laugh. A loud, sudden sound comes from the bureau, making Albus cut his laughter short and jump nearly three feet into the air. Scorpius chuckles at him, but it’s a sympathetic chuckle.

“I don’t think my boggart will be a spider.” Albus knows what his boggart will be, and he really does not want to be humiliated in front of the entire class right now. Not ever, but especially not right now. Not when Scorpius is likely to laugh at him, too. He knows that he’ll see his dad, and James, and Lily, and his mum, all at the kitchen table. Ignoring him as they play a game of cards. Or another family bonding activity. He knows it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but it makes him want to curl up in a ball and hide in a corner, and that’s what a boggart is supposed to do.

“Do you remember the lecture on the formation of a boggart? I thought that was so interesting. You know, I wonder what a boggart does do when it’s not attempting to scare someone. Do you have an idea, Al? I bet it just curls up the floor and takes a nap.” Scorpius laughs, and Albus wishes he could be that carefree. He fidgets with the cuff of his sleeve and tries to laugh as heartily as his friend.

“Well, they are non-beings, so I guess they disappear. That would make the most sense. Act like non-corporeal spirits, or like mists of emotion, except without the actual mist, and that emotion is, well, fear.”

“Can they become bodiless, though? I know they’re non-beings, but can they materialize out of thin air? Do they not have substance to their bodies? Because we can clearly see that they can take on multiple shapes. So are they actually contorting flesh that they possess, or is it all a series of a elaborate illusions?”

“Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy.” They jerk to attention, abandoning their argument immediately. Scorpius looks like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Albus keep his face as neutral as possible. Albus can’t afford more detention, really, but it’s not the worst thing in the world to be caught talking in class. Having a spirited debate about the course material, no less! But he knows that if he were to say any of that, it would be considered to be back-chat, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Chung is still smiling, though, which means he probably didn’t think too much of their theoretical debate. “I wanted to make sure I had everyone’s attention. I’m about to release the boggart. You all remember the incantation and wand motion? I want you to repeat it once more for me. If there are any issues, I will return the boggart myself, but I want you all to take a stab at it. Alright, after me.”

 _“Riddikulus.”_ There is a clattering sound from the bureau, and Chung laughs, before waving his wand. The doors swing open with a massive bang. But at first, nothing is there. It’s empty space. Chung doesn’t look too bothered about it, though, so Albus hangs back. It seems that the boggart wasn’t able to disappear into thin air, as Albus had desperately hoped it might. His shoulders sag. 

A group of his classmates surge forward, trying to catch a better picture of what the boggart is. “Form a line, students!” Students hastily order themselves behind others. Albus remains at the back of the line, Scorpius beside him. Scorpius stands on his tiptoes, trying to catch a glimpse of the action. 

_“Riddikulus!”_ a boy shouts. Albus is quite far back, but he can see flecks of glitter shooting into the sky. There’s a collective bark of laughter. The line moves forward. The boy - Jenkins, Albus realizes - flashes his Gryffindor friends a quick grin before heading to the back of the line once more. 

Someone snaps in his face. He turns and comes face to face with Rose Granger-Weasley. His heart sinks. She’s going to witness his eventual humiliation, too. She and her friends will probably laugh about it for ages, at the poor, Slytherin Squib. They’re practically nose to nose, and she’s glaring at him with the ferocity of ten thousand dragons. He doesn’t break a sweat. “Albus Severus, you’re really out of it today, aren’t you?” Albus stifles a groan. 

“Don’t want to do it.” Albus scuffs his shoe on the ground. Rose lets out a quiet harrumph sound. She sticks her chin up.

“It’s not that bad,” she informs him primly. “I’ve done it twice already.”

Albus is about to say something cutting and witty - he just needs to figure out exactly what - when Scorpius tugs on his sleeve, rather hard this time, and says, “Oh, really? What was it like?” It’s almost like he predicted what he was about to say, and had cut him off purposefully before he could be mean to Rose. Albus’ blood runs cold. What if Scorpius is a Legilimens? And then he thinks, _Scorpius, if you’re a mind reader, cough right now. Do it._

Rose’s expression is sour. “Easy. My boggart is a snake.” Also worth mentioning: Scorpius does not cough, and Scorpius is incapable of lying, so he can’t be a Legilimens. Probably. Thank Merlin. Albus wouldn’t know what to do if Scorpius was capable of hearing his thoughts. He’d probably die of embarrassment. Well, Scorpius would too. 

“So how did you make it funny?” Scorpius is worrying his bottom lip in his teeth, and he glances at Albus. Albus is too busy despairing about every single major event that’s ever happened to him ever to care about conversation about Rose’s greatest fear, or to notice his best friend staring at him. He also is not in the mood to hear his cousin and his best friend flirt with each other. Albus feels that he deserves a vacation. 

“I gave it a dress and a party hat.” There’s another loud burst of laughter from the front of the room. The line lurches forward, and Scorpius has to tug insistently on Albus’ arm before he obligingly takes another step. Albus realizes that he’s only a few spots away from the front of the line, and his knees wobble. There’s no way he can do this. He’s going to tell Chung. He’s just going to have to bow out, and take the zero, or ask if he can do the lesson privately, or whatever. DADA has never been his best class; it won’t come as a surprise to his professor if he’s acting like a wimp all of a sudden.

He is a Slytherin, after all. The internal jab, so similar to James’ and Rose’s jaunts and teases, hurts more than he thought it would. It’s discomforting, and ugly, and true, and he hates himself for thinking along those lines in the first place. 

“Scorp, I’m heading to the back of the line. Have fun flirting with Rose.” Albus turns away, but despite feeling that he can’t look at the two of them being sickening anymore, he still keeps his focus trained on Scorpius.

“Not flirting.” Scorpius’ cheeks are flushed pink. Albus shakes his head and musters a grin.

“I’ll leave you be, lady-killer.” Scorpius looks like he wants to protest more, but Albus turns around fully this time. Scorpius doesn’t follow him.

Scorpius has never admitted to his crush on Rose, but Albus knows it’s bound to happen, anyway. She’s pretty and smart, and Scorpius is pretty and smart, so they are going to end up married with kids. Except Scorpius is far kinder than she. He deserves better than her. Not that Albus thinks that he’s better than Rose. 

He ducks his head and quickly strides to the back of the line once more, trying not to attract too much attention to himself. Jenkins and Chapman are there as well, unfortunately. Jenkins raises an eyebrow, and Chapman whispers something in Jenkins’ ear, causing them both to break down in derisive snorts, most probably at Albus’ expense. Albus shoves his hands in his pockets and ignores them. 

Albus can feel Professor Chung’s eyeballs making holes in his robes, but he can’t bring himself to care. Chung can’t expect him to be a Gryffindor.

Sure enough, the professor says, “Mr. Potter, is there any reason why you’ve been avoiding the front of the line? It seems you’re not feeling engaged with this lesson.”

Jenkins and Chapman laugh like what Chung said was the funniest thing they’ve heard in ages. “Professor, I was wondering if I could request to do my boggart privately.” Albus tries to make his voice sound certain and strong, but to his horror, it wobbles a bit on the word boggart. Stupid lack of Gryffindor genetics. He can hear a giggle rippling across his peers. He can’t even bring himself to look for Scorpius. 

Chung’s face remains impassive. “Mr. Potter, you are aware that these will be on your O.W.L.s? You will most likely have to face off against one in front of an instructor, and you will need to be able to confront it with a crowd around.” There is no harshness to his words, but there is most certainly no particular kindness to them, either. That’s why Albus likes the professor so much. He is always fair, no matter what the situation is.

“I am aware, Professor Chung.” He raises his chin. “I would prefer to take the lesson privately. Please.” 

“Very well.” Chung takes a few steps back. 

At the same time, the three Gryffindors in front of Albus move away from the bureau, laughing amongst themselves. The only thing in front of the boggart at this point is Albus. The boggart trembles and shifts. He squeezes his eyes shut. The world really is conspiring against him today.

There’s an audible gasp. Albus forces his eyes open, and comes face to face with Scorpius.

“Scorp?” he asks, dumbfounded, but he knows that’s not the real Scorpius. The real Scorpius is in his peripheral vision, looking stunned as well, twisting and untwisting his fingers together. Albus feels relieved. The boggart’s got it all wrong. He’s not afraid of Scorpius. He can do something funny, and then it’ll be over. No humiliation necessary. Really, it’s a dream come true. Maybe the world is on his side, after all. 

Before he can act, another shape materializes. It’s Rose. She’s grinning widely, and laughing at something that boggart-Scorpius just said. Probably about Albus. And then Albus’ stomach drops. He understands now. He didn’t think the boggart would be this cruel, but he gets it. It’s going for the lowest blow imaginable. At least with the scene he imagined earlier, there would be a way to escape social ridicule.

The boggart was about to show Scorpius, and all of his classmates, exactly how he felt, in excruciating detail. And there was nothing Albus could do about it. His knees start to shake.

 _“Riddikulus,”_ Albus intones, feebly. Nothing happens. He wants to stop this before his classmates realize what’s going on, but he can’t think of any way to make the situation amusing. He scrambles for ideas, of ways to make the scene unfolding funny, but instead he’s gripped with fear. His classmates are starting to whisper loudly amongst themselves. He catches muttered syllables. They haven’t figured it out yet. But soon. 

Boggart-Scorpius reaches out and grabs boggart-Rose’s hand. The room shifts. It’s becoming apparent. Albus thinks he might be sick all over the floor. What would Chung do if he simply passed out? Would the boggart give up? Try to eat his corpse? Hey, what do boggarts do once they’ve captured a target, anyway?

Albus forces himself to focus again on the boggart. His boggart-friends’ sickening forms. They’re simpering at each other, smiling softly. Scorpius has his arm loosely encircling Rose’s waist. The position makes Albus wince. It looks so unnatural from this perspective. He can’t imagine Scorpius holding Rose in that way, all delicate like she’s precious goods that need to be protected. She’d probably sooner stomp on his foot than let him do that.

There’s only one image that’s coming to mind, and it’s probably the opposite of funny. It’ll invite more bullying, probably, and he’ll be the talk of the school for… well, for forever. It would mean he’d have to be brave. But then again, what’s already happened thus far is incriminating enough. Anything he does now just confirms what everybody’s thinking.

He puts his non-wand hand up to his temple, a flash of irritation standing out from the flood of panic. And then he steels his resolve. It doesn’t matter if the _Riddikulus_ isn’t funny. He just wants to get rid of this-

 _“Riddikulus!”_ Albus bellows. There’s a resounding crack, louder than any of the prior ones, and it’s not Rose and Scorpius anymore. It’s Albus and Scorpius. The expressions haven’t changed whatsoever. They’re still looking sweetly at each other, their noses nearly touching. Albus’ arms are around Scorpius’ waist, and vice versa. The one notable difference is that one of Albus’ hands is discreetly extended, palm-up. Rose stands slightly apart and gives Albus a high-five. The two lean in and chastely kiss, for a quarter of a second, before drawing apart once more.

Albus thinks he’s going to die. He didn’t intend to go that far with the _Riddikulus,_ but it really seems that nothing is on his side today, not even his own imagination.

Someone laughs. A few people make cooing sounds, and that sets his hair on end. Albus can’t bring himself to turn around and face Scorpius. Or Rose. Instead, he turns to Chung, who looks flabbergasted. Albus throws out his arms, as if to say “I told you so!” and moves to storm out of the classroom.

“Wait!” It’s Scorpius. Albus turns half-heartedly to face the other boy. Everyone’s eyes are on them. A few people have stepped forward, and that the boggart has selected a new target; the previous scene is now gone. It doesn’t matter, anyway. It’s all burned into everyone’s memories. Albus cringes. He wants to wrap himself up in a cocoon of blankets and never come out again. There’s no way he can face everybody’s laughter after this. 

No one is at all focused on the gigantic spider that has materialized slightly to their left, who is trying to terrorize a brunette girl. She waves it away irritably, like she doesn’t have time to be afraid of it. The motion makes Albus chuckle. 

“Now, class,” Chung starts, clapping his hands together. No one pays him any mind.

Scorpius’ cheeks are tinged pink. His fingers are clenching and unclenching themselves rapidly, stretching out and then relaxing. Albus watches the other boy’s hands. It’s like he’s playing the piano.

The spider starts harassing another Gryffindor student. It clicks its pincers together. _“Riddikulus!”_ The girl shouts. The spider gains rollerblades and starts careening around the classroom. It begins to attract attention. People laugh at its ridiculous legs, the palpable look of terror in all of its eight eyes.

“Thank Merlin for the spider.” Albus picks at the sleeve of his robes. “Hah, I never thought I’d say that after today, but apparently I did. Now, I’ll just get going. I think I want to wash my face. Do you know what’s for dinner?” Albus reckons that if he changes the subject enough times, Scorpius will forget what they were talking about in the first place. That gives Albus enough time to think up a better plan. 

Scorpius pulls on Albus’ shirtsleeve, removing his hand from the thread that he’d just caught between his fingers. Albus wants to be mad about it, and discovers that he physically can’t. “No.” The other boy’s voice is firm. He looks at Albus with pleading eyes, and Albus feels his entire face go red. 

Albus feels exhausted, suddenly. It’s as though all the energy has been drained from his body. He doesn’t want to talk about this with Scorpius. Ever. He’s been through enough today, and can’t his friend recognize that? He keeps up the facade regardless. “No? You don’t know what’s for dinner? Well, that’s okay, I’ll go check it out. See you.”

“No. I mean, no as in… well…” Scorpius looks down at the ground, then meets Albus’ eyes. “No as in I didn’t think your boggart was funny.”

“Neither did I.” Albus rolls his eyes. He gathers fistfulls of his robes and squeezes the fabric between his fingers, trying to wipe off the sweat that’s gathering on his hands. He just needs to make it through this conversation, and then he can formulate a plan about how to pretend that a classroom exercise didn’t expose his crush on his best friend.

“Listen to me, you idiot!” Scorpius’ words go unnoticed; people are now eagerly trying to push the rollerblading spider-boggart around the classroom. Chung has conjured a small track for the spider to roll around on. Albus hopes that Chung is at least sympathetic to him now. Maybe he’ll get a better mark because of the whole mishap. “I’m trying to tell you something!”

Albus holds his breath. Scorpius takes a step closer. His breath is warm against Albus’ cheek. “I think your boggart is… ridiculous.” He flings his arms around Albus’ neck and captures Albus in a firm hug. Startled, Albus flings his arms out to the side, before hesitantly placing one on Scorpius’ hip.

“Was that…” Albus tries to regain his composure, and finds it very difficult with Scorpius so close to him. He has a hard time starting a new sentence. He stutters his way through a few before he finally utters, “Was that a freaking pun? After all I’ve been through?” Rose lets out a strangled sounding laugh. Albus realizes that she’s overheard the entire exchange.

“Maybe,” Scorpius says, his eyes practically twinkling. He leans in close, his breath hot on the shell of Albus’ ear. “I think we should do… what the funny version was. Later. Without Rose. If you know what I’m saying.”

“Quite a convoluted way of saying that you want to…” Albus finds that he is also unable to say the word kiss. He flounders for a moment. “Er, you know. With me. Yeah.” They’re both turning pink now; Albus can feel his cheeks flooding with color and warmth. Scorpius glows like the sun. His hair only adds to the effect.

Rose is laughing uncontrollably at this point. When she catches the eye of the two boys, she snorts and straightens up, looking extremely pained. She then holds up her palm, turning red with the effort of containing her laughter. Albus high-fives her.


End file.
